heard a couple of non-muslims reverted these recent days. Just listening to their stories makes my eyes water like ever. You know the feeling of listening to a story of a lost kid who find her way home?You feel moved,touched,at the same time happy and delightful.yeah.it's basically that feeling. They.indeed,have found their way home. And the one guiding them home is the God Himself. and waiting for them behind those door of the home,is a path to Jannah. MasyaAllah. They should really know how lucky they are. When they convert to Islam,Prophet Muhammad said they are like newborn babies. Free from any sin whatsoever. And therefore they are holier and ‘cleaner’ than any of us the ‘muslim-at-birth’.
A few days back,i heard of a friend who confessed to have dreamt of Prophet Muhammad in her sleep. MasyaAllah. When I heard that story,i ran away. and alone,i sat on a secluded place where noone could find me and wept. "Why it's not me?Why can't i see him even in my dream?"
i can't see him in real life,and i dun know if i could see him 'there'(but i'm hoping i would) so i desperately want to see him now. even only in my dream. even for a short while. i miss him so bad. so i sat there crying for a long time,so overwhelmed with envy and sad thinking."When is my turn to see that beautiful and wonderful face of my prophet?"
So i've been reflecting upon myself. Have i been a good muslim?do i deserve jannah?do i deserve to see Prophet Muhammad? i wanna see Allah. and i wanna see 'him'(Prophet Muhammad).
I miss Prophet Muhammad. So bad. But i'm not that alim. Not that wara’.
my murabbi persuade me by saying this hadith, " Al mar'u ma'a man ahabba" A man will be with whom he love .(in paradise) he told me,maybe our deeds aren’t enough to qualify us for a space in jannah,but who knows our love towards our prophet will get us through. Allahuakbar.
so i'm only hangin on to that promise.because if i think of my deeds,i'll definitely feel devastated and hopeless. I’m still improving on it though,with some zikr my ustaz told me to practice evry night and day.
And i also belive in Allah's mercy.
He's The Merciful
Like a poem by Imam Bushiri called burdah.[i 've always loved this part particularly]
يَا نَفْسُ لا تَقْنَطِي مِنْ زَلَّةٍ عَظُمَـتْ
إِنَّ الْكَبَائِرَ فِي الْغُفْرَانِ كَاللَّمَـِم
Oh Self! don't you give up because of a sin even if they are big, because all the sins are small compared to Allah forgiveness.